hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
