Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
