"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Two words: blizzard sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
