i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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