woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
