I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hippo gnu deer
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
