dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
