my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Text me some of your sweat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
