all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
