So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
As shirtless as possible
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
