so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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