Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
