I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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