Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Rumble strips road head = magical
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
