I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
