I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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