drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
