I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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