You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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