Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
