Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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