DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize