I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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