Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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