I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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