i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
