I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
