Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize