nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize