after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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