I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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