C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
