Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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