god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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