he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
