i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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