if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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