my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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