Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
