Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
