im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
