last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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