Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
