There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
