So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
