Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
