I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
