Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
