She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
