I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
