Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
