Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
