I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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