just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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