dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
