Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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