His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize