You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
