The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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