Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
