thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
