I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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