I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize