Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
