i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
