there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
