Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
