How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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