i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
