Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
