guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
