Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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