The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
